Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
