Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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