I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
