why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
