What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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