Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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