$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
