It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
