I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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