Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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