there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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