sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
