Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
