I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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