he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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