You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
