The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
