I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i believe in u and ur pee
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
