tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
