he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
