brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
