Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Found the puke drawer
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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