Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
