No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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