so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
