i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My balls are so social today.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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