You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
