ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
