hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
