he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
