Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
