I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
