did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
