Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
