jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
