I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
