the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
