do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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