Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
