My cat gives me a boner
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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