I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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