she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
