So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
