Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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