We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
