If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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