I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
