it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
third nipple confirmed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
