can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
