were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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