i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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