Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
