k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
