I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize